Forgive Yourself

 

A man may commit many mistakes and learn many lessons in life, but the heart of it all, the core of every mystery and wisdom shall come to him in the commission of a certain wrong, one which turns his life upside down. When the world crumbles around you, when a harsh life coerces you to live it, you may confront the realization that certain things happen in life not for what one thinks they do but for a higher purpose, beyond common understanding and ordinary perception. It is in such realization that the soul which undergoes suffering, can find its true meaning and solace and the ability to welcome that pain as part of the purging and endure it. You may be chained by seemingly inescapable stifling forces in your despair, which make it appear impossible to break free. But if you calm yourself and close your eyes and think sensibly you will sense a miraculous freedom amidst your imprisonment. It is the freedom of choice. To remain tied or break free, to lie buried or rise above your personal abyss, to move on, to let go. The freedom to forgive those who cause that torment and most importantly to forgive yourself. When the frustrating consequences of a wrong choice engulf your life, you often find it hard to choose who to forgive. Whether it is the person who became the motivation of that wrong choice or your own self who made that decision in the first place. When the tentacles of that decision simply do not deliver you, but they keep you in their grasps; when the past and the present are so indistinctly mingled that it becomes difficult to assert one’s presence without the other; when it becomes impossible to let go of a certain thing despite it having been reduced to a mere skeleton without any true implication, it is then that compassion for yourself comes to your rescue. 

Sometimes the seed of that compassion is planted in forgiving your own self. Sometimes the beginning of our journey from a point where we are cluelessly stuck at, starts with our forgiveness. Forget about forgiving others. Absolve yourself first. Be it a broken bond, a failed relationship, a belied expectation or a fallen hope, do not be unduly harsh with either yourself or anyone. Give yourself that chance you still deserve. In times of despair I have always come to understand one infallible truth of life. That there will always be a reason to give up, to surrender to darkness and to break. But there will also be a reason for hope, for breaking free and for embracing the light. For it is alright to err, since it is in the follies of our judgment that we are fated to find our true selves. For our faults mould our character and shape our purpose and nurture our strength. These answers have dawned on me only in the twilight of insanity and prudence brought about by unspeakable desolation.

Take kindly the counsel of your mistakes. You don't have to be disenchanted. Foster strength of your spirit to shelter you in sudden adversity. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many suspicions are the children of fatigue and loneliness.  There is a beautiful change awaiting you. Believe that. Let the change come over. Take in its gifts. Surrender gracefully what it wants to take from you. No matter what your doubts are in the cacophony and confusions of times, be at peace with yourself. It is very important for every person to find that peace. If we hold on to our pain, we won't see our own brilliance in our reflection because we have the mist of denial inbetween.  In the blinding agony, when you are having a hard time in forgiving and forgetting, you will foremost have to release yourself from the clutches of the bygone. And that will happen only when you learn to pardon yourself, be kind with yourself, come to terms with the unchangeable truth instead of struggling with it. You may give in to the immediate circumstances but in the greater scheme of things you will emerge a winner. Know that no matter howsoever bitter things may be, it is part of life and like all good things this too must be lived. Tell yourself that it is alright and that you can still go ahead. You may ask for forgiveness of others, or think of forgiving others but in the end the real forgiveness is in one's own self. Because if one believes in oneself, one doesn't try to convince others. Because when one is content with oneself, one doesn't need others' approval. Because once one accepts oneself, the whole world accepts him or her. Only when you have moved your face away from what is behind you that you can look forward and visit what is ahead of you. Sometimes that is possible only after you have said "I forgive myself".

I’ll part with the words of Gautam Buddha for your reminiscence in times of need.

‘You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.’