Saturday, 18 June 2016
Forgive my lack of exactness but it seems like a couple of years ago that the chord which tied me to this cherished space snapped.
Two years is a long time. Many things can happen in the period. It was during this time that I lost my doting grandfather to everlasting sleep, turned a few pages in travelling, met some amazing persons in the journey yet back home friends walked out of my life. I dreamt for things that are nearly impossible to accomplish. I made more and more mistakes than ever. It's hard to say whether that made me a better or worse person. Incidents which would forever etch their marks on my soul came to occur and pass. In the hardest possible way I was taught by providence that there is something unalterable about the shape which has been cast for the course of our lives no matter how hard we try or how cleverly we may attempt to recast it or elude it. And finally I saw time’s malleability through experiences that sped and slowed it.
Whatever happened took forever a part of me while leaving, one I won’t ever get back. I reckon it was because of those circumstances that I found it hard to gather the requisite will to write something worthy of anyone's time.
While the design of destiny was unfolding per its prefixed scheme a part of me missed being here, missed all of you. Your presence, cynical or constructive, sweet or sarcastic, was a symbol of a life which I adored regardless of its virtual existence. It sort of gave an unmatched sense of self even in the midst of all kind of clutter and chaos. Just like a safe haven. Therefore all this time that I was away I felt what being away from home must make you feel. I have always cherished this one place, this tiny window inside my desktop, this minuscule web space where I often found expression for my thoughts which you my friends have always embraced and considered with nothing but encouragement. This vibrant medium which reflects the beauty of its dwellers with serenity and fortitude as it gives recognition to whosoever aspires and works for it. That alone makes it a home like no other.
Maybe all what I have seen and felt during my time away is likely to reflect in my words. If it is much of a pain or embarrassment guide me as you always have. If I tend to amble into darkness be kind and remind me of the beauty of light. If I manage to summon whatever part of me it was which wrote once, the one that you guys wholeheartedly adored then tell me that I still have it in me to keep going, that there is something worthy of salvaging about the whole endeavor. It may be a little selfish of me, I concede, to hold these expectations. But we’re all artists and dreamers who sketch with words and I trust that you will agree life is never easy for dreamers. This is my way of holding out my hand to hold yours, so that our shared journey of expressions becomes a little less arduous and increasingly meaningful.
I do not know if I can ever infuse in my words qualities which I had once managed to imbibe in them, most of which art I learnt from amazing writers I came across here. I do not know if my words will ever evoke what they once did. Regardless I intend to apply myself to the task. Because it is a way of liberation. These very moments that our words conjure seemingly beyond the prefixed, mundane and unchangeable twenty four hours, words which earn for us the little yet beautiful and immortal spaces in void.