Adieu...

My dearest, most loving, inspiring and unconditionally supportive readers / fellow bloggers. 

As you contemplate your next blog post, or better still, write one, I embark upon a path of bereavement from all you kind friends. I say bereavement because my blog is the only means to our attachment. I wish I could have enjoyed your loving company beyond my blog. And I write this blog letter to you humbly pleading my inability to write.

But this isn't about hitting a block as much as it is about feeling detached and demotivated. Those words, those voices and those many variegated sentiments that command me to lift my pen or punch the keys of my notebook, have deserted me. I stand derelict, abandoned. I remember a dear friend  asking me once as to what compels me to write. I had swiftly replied 'For peace'. To allay his resultant perplexity I'd explained to him that I do not find solace until I have obediently conveyed the joys, the pathos, the relevant tragedies, and conflicts of souls and challenge to human spirit of the characters who swirl inside my mind. That's my motivation and presently I stand robbed of that motivation. 

That's part of the story. The other half incurably completes my difficulty. This is because when I do  intermittently hear those ideas, themes, stories churning inside my head. They just don't seem to be able to negotiate well enough with my expressive side. As the writer is trapped between this alienation of affection, a story, an article, a poem dies before being born. 

This tires me. And I don't believe in conjuring up a will to express and coercing myself to adhere to some sort of discipline of verbalization of that which I do not feel. After all this is not a business I'm running, where I have to play by the murky and manipulative norms in order to stay afloat. Art, if my writings are any close to it, cannot be dictated. It has to be born out of my love of things,my romance with life, and my sensing of the pain in tragedy of strangers, and most importantly, my expressions comforting that sensitivity by being their faithful guide to articulation. The want of such harmony stalls me. It vexes me and I stare annoyingly longer at the wall opposite to me than pursuing my art. 

I'll be away from blogging for some time. I wish I could tell you for how long. I may well write something in the next hour, or may suffer my present predicament for a week, a couple of months or till my last breathe. Since I cannot be sure of our reunion I must say now that all of you will ever remain my cherished friends. There have been a few special ones who have shown the patience of a true companion by telling me about my compositions each and every time without fail. Others, have been equally significant in sharing their thoughts and according to me the status of a writer through their encouraging reviews & constructive censure. But what you've really given me is something that you have no idea about. In a small yet unforgettable way you've made my existence worthwhile. And that's not an exaggeration. If I ever make it back I'll zealously expect it again from all of you.

God Bless You 

Love,

Anupam