Purpose

To see the world, things dangerous to come to, to see behind walls, draw closer, to find each other and to feel. That is the purpose of life.

                  -             Sean O'Connell in The Secret Life Of Walter Mitty

Life is often about wrong turns. Turns that lead us to the untreaded path. That let us be lost. So that we can find our own adventure. Discover ourselves in the process. Nobody ever said life would be easy. They only promised it would be worth it. Once a great man said that life is not a problem to be solved, it is a mystery to be lived. See through the black and white of life. Reach the grey. Feel it, embrace it. It might prick you, or worse even, it might hurt you badly. But that's the point to it all. Getting hurt so that we know the taste of pain so that we respect and value pleasure. Let life give you what it wants. Take it. There's a purpose to it all.

Choices, Chances, Changes...Love, Life..

It has taken me a bucketful instances of having my heart broken and breaking hearts, a half life of mistakes, a tough marriage and an enviable assortment of life's lessons to know what I know of love and life today. What is it that binds one immortally to another ? Can anyone be bound immortally to another ? It's a question that even the ones who are thus bound fall short in answering sufficiently. It could perhaps be science of hormones and blood or could be beyond mortal explanations. The truth is that it's a feeling, fundamental, rudimentary and deep rooted in the purpose of human life. A joy not containable within definitions and a sensation not explained by commonplace phrases. A perpetual state of agonizing bliss. You are likely to burn holding it and sure to die cold letting it go. The mysteries of love are attractive only if left unexplained. I do not wish to seize the mantle of defining and explaining love and its myriad forms. I am only trying to share its mysteriousness from my unique life experiences and in doing so none of my words should be considered as binding. For the beauty of love lies in the room for exceptions it offers. A hundred lovers may have similarly felt about a particular aspect of it yet the next lover's feeling will hold equal significance and value and cannot be derided just because it does not fall in line with majority. That's how broad and all encompassing love is.

                                                                                   Choices

The path of man's life is determined by his choices. It isn't different in love. But it’s often mistaken that falling in love is a choice that can be exercised upon one's volition. However the truth unchangeably remains that no one knows how, when, where and in what strength love and its myriad forces will take you in their numbing grip and make you servile to their puppetry. My words should not be understood as demeaning the essence and splendor of the emotion. I am no one to judge it even though I have savoured and suffered the consequences of love. Love is compelling. It is persuasive beyond anything known to human mind. It is why one often finds himself making choices in the ‘other way’ in love. Interestingly when it comes to falling in love, one hardly has any choice. But to continue a relationship actively in love is to a considerable extent in ambit of personal choice. I admit, it isn’t black and white. There is grey where you often stand in making choices in love. Your choices ensure the pleasure or pain that you derive from it. Never make a choice against your love if you have the chance. For there is no greater beauty than being truly loved by someone. Make all choices that ensure its perpetuation. The things which you may have to give up in choosing love, are nothing compared to what you will relinquish if you lose love. A wrong choice, seemingly correct at the time of its making, can haunt you with unbearable anguish all your life. And the only way of knowing whether the lasting effect of your choice is bearable or not is by consulting your instinct at the time of making the choice. Instincts may not always guide you pragmatically but they guide you to your destination more often than not. You realize you were correct only when you have endured the challenges and landed at the end of the road. Until then and unless you take that road of instinct you will never realize the worth of your choice. Trust me, when you are living the ache of bereavement from the one who holds your joys, no deal of pragmatism can liberate you. You will suffer endlessly.

                                                                                    Chances

We all get our chances; our own shots at our dreams, our contentment, our happiness. But in every chance lies a hidden offer of life, of mistrust and self doubt. Don’t let it append to you. A chance is always a chance not a cloaked scope of error. Trust in it. Trust your guts. And take it. Unless you take the road you fear you would never overcome that fear. Give in. Surrender wholly. Don’t reserve any shred of yourself when you do that. Chances are like these small windows to living your purpose. They ought to be seized at first sight. There is always someone waiting to seize it. If you don’t they would. I have learned it the hard way and continue to live the consequences of untaken chances. Believe me, it’s better to live a life full of challenges and difficulties with the chances you want to live with than lead a life of regret in misery and lament with the ones you may be comfortable but not ecstatic with. Life is itself a single big chance for fulfillment. That fulfillment may either come from dedication in service of others or by accomplishment of personal desires. There’s no point, no greatness in a sacrifice if you can’t live with the consequences of it. It is self destructive to forfeit your joys for the sake of others if you are going to be miserable in the circumstances that follow your sacrifice. You will neither end up happy nor be able to keep happy those for whom you would be in that state.

Love is a chance at eternal bliss. I reiterate a very famous line which says “Never be cynical about love for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass”. When I recall my days spent wrapped in that emotion, I wholeheartedly agree with the great man who uttered these words. It is something else, a joy so serene and satisfying to sleep and wake up in realization of being truly loved by someone. Nothing compares, nothing can even come close to that pleasure. The whole gamut of accomplishments and laurels in your life will feel like mere dust if you have loved and lost it. The whole galaxy of joys cannot surpass the simplest delight that love is capable of filling your heart with. I can tell you with the highest of confidence, since I have lived that truth. We didn’t agree on many things. Sometimes it felt as if we didn’t agree at all. But when we did, it felt like being born for each other. Despite all the hurdles, differences, anguish, the only and the greatest leveler was that we were crazy for each other. That kind of evened everything odd. That common factor between us surprisingly sorted out every challenge we faced.

I endorse love despite my confession of pain which I endured in it because the truth is that it also offered me all, perhaps the only real pleasure of my life. And I was either weak, unsure, careless or scared to take the chance. Interestingly when it stands facing you on your threshold such debilitating is its influence that the more you try to evade the harder you feel its grasp around you. If you are destined to fall for someone with all heart, you will fall and all the will power mustered from the deepest of one's guts against it cannot prevent it. Once you do, take the chance and stand up for your love. The other way is undoubtedly settled and easy. But trust me, the inimitable delight and completeness walking on that difficult path of love would bring will heal all wounds the world will inflict. It will be the most sacred refuge when you have been abandoned by all and sundry. Her arms will comfort you like you cannot even begin to imagine. Take the chance, seize it, there may not be another chance, again.

                                                                                   Changes

Man by nature is a lover of status quo. We despise changes being shoved into our faces. We are a breed unaccustomed to being unsettled. Ironically however, as the hackneyed adage goes ‘the only thing constant in this world is change’. Everything we see and know, every entity created, is in a constant state of efflux from one status to another. As if that thing was created to change, and keep changing till its closure. Everything that ever began must end, and to end, it undergoes all changes possible in its lifetime. Instead of asking you to manoeuvre change, I’d rather beseech you to walk into the change. Why wait for something to happen when you know it’s going to occur anyway and why then make plans and strategies to evade it. Step into it. Embrace it. Love it. Mark the goodness it brings along. I will not join masses who ask you to let go of the past. Rather I ask you to hold its memories and enlighten your soul. But do not close yourself to the present and the future. No one, believe me, no one has any control on the course of his life, no matter howsoever otherwise one may believe. Howsoever otherwise the best selling self help books may tempt you to accept as true. At some point in time or other you would eventually realize that you cannot exercise any real power or influence over circumstances. And they occur and change as per some invisible yet all pervasive force guiding their course. But the beauty of this powerlessness lies in the sense of adventure and unpredictability it brings. I have let go of things I never thought I could. They were so dear to me. But I had to. I pined and languished for days, holding on to their symbols, their reminiscence their memories, suffering, falling, lying near dead for days. But eventually there is some supreme energy that settles inside you momentarily and ushers you out into the light. Into that moment of truth when you smile inside and come to terms with everything unmanageable so far. I am not saying the past is darkness. To me the past has always been full of sunlight, joy and incomparable delight as much as it has been the source of inescapable distress. The whole idea behind the philosophy of letting the past go may be unnecessary. You may not need to let go of the past. The past and the future alongwith your present can co exist. Give the three of them a chance. I have and I always will. If I could in all ordinariness, why can’t anyone. Let the change come over. Take in its gifts. Surrender gracefully what it wants to take from you. Life is a great leveller; if it takes it would give back likewise. Release the murkiness, let it sink in and do its job and leave. Do not hold onto the pain. It’s leech like. The more time you give your miseries the more they will grow on you, feeding on your blood and life. Smile and wave adieu to your woes and hug the happiness that also lies hidden somewhere in the mud.

No one knows how things would turn out to be. But that is the whole point of life. Take the wrong turn, get lost, find your way back, endure the challenges on way and emerge enlightened. The only treasure that is ever going to be with you even after your departure are not the ornaments or the wealth you discovered, but the experiences that enriched your life, the fulfillment you felt on your journey and the memories you would earn in the heart of others. Life is like this. It is not a problem to be solved; rather all its choices, chances and changes make it a mystery to be lived.

Live it..

Law & Morality

Consider these situations.

Situations 1:-

You are driving a car which loses its brakes and on one hand you have a choice of crashing it on five persons and killing them instantly and on the other running over one man and killing him. I’m assuming that the choice would be near unanimous to run over one person and save five.

Situation 2:-

You’re a bystander on a road where a car, whose brakes have failed, is hurtling at 5 men. You could save those 5 men by pushing one innocent man, standing with you, on its path and stopping it. Surely that one man would die but it would save five lives. Would the principle of five lives versus one as in Situation 1, apply here too??

Need it be said further that the morality of any act is often considered to be located in the consequences of it. The state of affairs that would be the end result of one’s act. At the inception of my career I often encountered this nagging query concerning the relation between law and morality. I was frustrated on quite a few occasions where I'd helplessly discover that a certain immoral deed is without any legal consequence. I would seethe with anger at the lack of any remedy for the victim in such cases. To an untrained mind there would hardly exist any difference between the two concepts.   However, while morality may be persuasive, it isn't binding, law is. Hence a person may get away with an immoral deed but he can't do so with an illegal act. . Human response to a wrongful action should be the same irrespective whether it breaks a law or it disregards morality. This theory logically entails a comprehensive understanding of the two terms. But do we actually understand their meanings and respective scopes to be able to appreciate the fine yet profound difference between the two. Before proceeding let me tell you that I decided to share my views on this issue when I read the opinion of one my esteemed readers, wherefrom it appeared that despite his respectable understanding of sociology and politics, he faltered in distinguishing the difference between law and morality.

In one not so old case the Hon'ble Apex Court was seized with a question as to whether a man who promises to marry a woman, cohabits with her and establishes sexual relationship with her but could not ultimately marry her, be charged and convicted under Section 493 of the IPC. (For your benefit I have represented Section 493, IPC as it stands) " Cohabitation caused by a man deceitfully inducing a belief of lawful marriage.—Every man who by deceit causes any woman who is not lawfully married to him to believe that she is lawfully married to him and to cohabit or have sexual intercourse with him in that belief, shall be punished with imprisonment of either description for a term which may extend to ten years, and shall also be liable to fine." The Bench which was adjudicating this case was a Division Bench (two Judges). The matter could not be resolved as one of the Hon'ble Judges thought that in such cases, what the man may have done may at worst be called immoral or it may be concluded that he isn't a gentleman, if deceit could not be proved behind his acts, whereas the other Hon'ble Judge thought otherwise and found nothing wrong in attaching criminal consequences with such acts. The matter was thus referred to a larger bench for adjudication. Be that as it may, the point which is thus instantly realized is that law and morality are not the same thing even though the fabric of our society is built upon these two founding stones.  In ancient times there was hardly any difference between the two. Be it the jurists of Greece or Rome or our very own Vedas, morals formed the bedrock of laws. In later years, law would come to be distinguished from morals. The chief distinction being their respective sources. While morals have their genesis in religion and / or conscience, laws owe their authority to the State. Law focuses mainly on the society and lays down rules concerning the relationship of individuals inter se as well as with the State." It is therefore quite clear that while morality is based on the behaviour, conscience building and goodness of deeds, law on the other hand deals with enforceable norms that mainly intend to maintain order and peace in the community of men. While laws are means to an end (of peace in society), morals are of no such nature. They are to be followed as they are good in themselves.

While it may be immoral to see a man drowning and not help him, to see a beggar starving and not feed him, to see a man falling down and badly injuring himself and not taking him to medical help or to look on at a woman being harassed and standing mute, there is nothing illegal per se about these actions / omissions. For an act or omission to be illegal, it must be prescribed to be so by law. If it isn't then that act or omission howsoever despicable or immoral it may be, does not involve any illegality. There are even certain laws which are opposed to morals. For example morals will never hold any man vicariously liable for the wrongful acts of another man, but the law does, in cases where the actual offender is under the employment or agency of the other man who is vicariously liable. e.g. A Govt. chauffeur if causes death of someone by negligent driving, then the Govt. can be made liable for his acts and ordered to pay compensation to the victim or his family.

So are we to conclude that law and morality are completely divorced from each other ?

The Absurd Story Of Lazy Fowl

This is absurdly about two entities, one the word lackadaisical and second the utterance of the word chicken. The reason why I ever thought of blogging about this is too personal hence unshareable. Yet the supreme source of that reason compels me to be forthcoming about the truth. Some incidents are so indelibly burnt into your consciousness that despite their near absurdity or even irrelevance they forever possess prominence among other important memories. And in most of such instances, the rationale is hard to conclude, the reasoning a waste of time. When I was younger I travelled to Mumbai and stayed there with my uncle to pursue a law internship, which Mama ji had managed for me through his contacts. I mean I didn't go to a law school where recruiters walked in to pick their work force on campus. So it had to be the other way around. I asked Mamaji, Mamaji asked someone and that someone pulled strings and here I was in Mumbai, starry eyed, dazed by traffic, bemused by sheer velocity that dominated the heart and legs of men, awed by the cacophony and the diversity, eager to take a piece of the dream back with me, or even better let the dream take me. My cousins Likun and Jiju, cool lads both, and I got along just fine. Roamed around, talked a lot and thought a lot. One fine morning, for reasons not quite clear, Jiju called me lackadaisical. The word stuck with the three of us. The purpose of being called lackadaisical became inexplicably insignificant before the feel of the word. Sure there are more sticky words in English language, but this one had a certain ring to it, which awoke all three of us at the same time, in the same manner and to the same degree and we decided we'll  not let go of it. Every other chance, and pop came the word out of our mouths. Next came 'chicken'. I mean reading the word will not serve the purpose I am trying to serve. The way Jiju uttered it, everytime, time after time, the favour which he showered on the 'ck' part of chicken, it sounded as if it were a mutant form of the fowl, hitherto undiscovered by keen zoologists. Jiju called chicken 'chikkkken'. The 'kkkk' was extremely something between annoying and unavoidably in your face. Few days back I recalled the whole stay at Mumbai and the instances hereinabove noted and asked Jiju, who is now a grown up or appears to be, to pen down his recollections and his understandings of the episodes. So here you are, below is the first ever guest blog post on 'reflections', written by my cousin Jiju about near unnecessary things. Yet the whole point of it all lies in Albert Camus's famous words - "the absurd does not liberate, it binds."

Jiju's essay may leave an impression that he's a writer by profession. Though that's something I always wished for him and will keep wishing, life has him pursuing study of law at a renowned law school in Gujurat. He was not more than 13 - 14 at the time under discussion. May you always shine and fearlessly reflect the truth, my brother. Love You..

P.S. Pupun Nana is what he fondly calls me.

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"Which year was it? 2005? 2006? And what was the season? Summer, winter, monsoon, spring? Perhaps I was of an age when such things didn’t stay on my mind long nor mattered much. Every day passed as a part of a continuum of days filled with a flickering alternation of light and dark, light and dark, light and dark and yet always full of novelty. Dreams, unconquerable, were things of more than smoke and vapour. Yellow streetlamps at night. Slow breeze in the morning. A city by the sea.

       That year, that season... Pupun nana came over to stay at our house and though he was to spend his days going to and from the office he was to intern at, we were particularly happy that he was going to stay with us. At the age I was at then, he was probably the relative I looked up to the most among the many aunts, uncles and grandparents at our hometown. For one thing, he did tend to be the most fun to be around. Looking back, I do wonder what a feat that was. I was eleven or so and thinking of trying to be on good terms with an eleven year old is something that I find a little foreboding at the age I am at now. Not because it would be tiresome or frivolous, but because there is nothing more hurtful than being at that age when children stop looking at you as a comrade and start looking at you as an adult. Just another person who will tower over you. It is no mean task to undo such a classification.

       And yet, some people manage to bring that openness of spirit to bear on their relations that requires no real effort and charms children just so. I continue to wonder today, with little success. what those things are that make children friends. A sense of adventure. A faith in the mysteries of the world that are yet to be seen, heard and tasted- a faith that does not ask for concern or caring or even conversation. Just the sheer thrill of adventure with one’s companions. Perhaps I have forgotten already. Perhaps I never knew. Perhaps, even if I knew, I would never know to put it into words.

       Some words do come to mind though. For years after that visit, we continued to share some jokes that I now find altogether shorn of their original meaning. “Chicken” was one of them. White-feathered, brown-curried, cluck-cluck. There is no telling what that biped avian creature thinks of our murderous regard for its sinew. But it inspires great loyalty among legions of meat-eaters. Again, what was it that was so funny about that bird? Perhaps it was something about the sound of its name.

       And then there was the refrain of a number of words that started with the letter ‘L’. Some friends and cousins use rather impolite terms to call out to each other. They abuse and swear at each other like sailors at port, down a few pegs. That’s just how they get along best. Pupun nana and I used to abuse each other in a high Victorian fashion with the word ‘lackadaisical’ featuring prominently. I think other words included ‘lazy’ and ‘laggard’. I believe that the origin of this ritual of ours was rooted in my childish scorn for the way Pupun nana would nap in the afternoon after returning from work. How lackadaisical, I would think. Well, not really, I didn’t really think with those words at that age. Or did I?

       In any case, though I am certain I lost out on having someone with whom to play catch with the yellow softball I prized so much, I did gain a number of shared jokes. And memories from that time when no magic is needed to make memories. Just happenings are fine, thank you. Just sunlight or rain or wind or moon. Just the falling leaves. A season of jests it was. And a season of uncontrived joy. One cannot take it lightly, for fear of damaging it. One cannot take it seriously, for fear of distancing it. One can only remember."

Immortal - I - The Tale of Ananya's Love

Dear Readers,

Separated by seven seas, countless hurdles Ananya and her beloved have still lived together five months hand in hand. In these five months they have faced unspeakable agony and resistance from all corners. Yet bound by their innate longing for true love, to hold on no matter what, to never let go, they have stuck together even in the face of unimaginable impediments.

They haven't seen each other in person, neither they have the bliss of each other's touch or warmth. All that has kept them afloat is the faith that they are soulmates, their words, their letters to each other. Doubts creep in, darkness surround often, they struggle, they hurt in that struggle, yet they stand firm together in the end. They have come to the brink of breaking away and returned, only with renewed zeal to love and cherish each other more than ever. Struggling through natural desires in love due to the near impossibility of their fulfillment, fighting all kind of darkness that distance and obscurity can cause, walking, falling, strengthening each other, getting up and walking again, Ananya and her companion go on, through lights and fears, hoping, believing that there is a place beyond all mortal confines and norms where they can be what they want to be, together forever.

Below is one such exchange between both, where they are apparently consumed by feelings of uncertainty and indecision. What is remarkably noticeable is Ananya's strength when everything around them is discouraging, her resolve to make things work when nothing seems redeemable. They are helpless. They are bound by their own life circumstances as strongly as they are bound to each other by their love. The intricacy emerges from the fact that both circumstances tend not to co exist. So they drown in a sea of separation pitted against immense love and longing.

 Ananya's words have inspired me beyond telling. They always do. Her expressions are now my strength to believe in love and cherish her aspirations.

I have not the slightest doubt that they will move you too.

Pray for them, 

Pray for love. .............

Ananya's letter:

 (she explains the vast extents of her love)

 He asked her “Ananya, What are we?”

You are the sun and I the Earth moving around you.

Your rage burns me but without you nothing blooms on me too.

He asked her “Where do we belong?”

We belong beyond time and this world,

When lovers like us are born, they cannot belong anywhere but to each other!

What is our path?

There is no path, no destiny, no end, and no start. It’s just a journey of two inseparable souls.

Where do we unite?

Unison in this world is temporary, we unite when I look at you, we unite when you touch me, and in all gestures of love we unite beyond mortals.

Would we stay?

She smiled, teary eyed, can the wave stop coming back to the shore?

Every time I search you, look for you and call you and every time you say, when did I ever go, my hand is still in yours Ananya…we stay!

 The reply to Ananya's letter:

Ananya,

I may be the sun but once I was a shooting star. Hurled by destiny away into dark voids to end and burn away into darkness. On way I saw you and in that moment I stopped. Since then I have stopped. Not moved. Nor will ever. You say that you move around me. I say I am stable because you move around me, encircle me with life and glory. You say I burn you. Yes I do, because I am burning myself all the time because no matter how strongly we are held together, we are still separated by eternal command. You say I give you bloom. I learnt giving bloom because of you. I never knew how to before. You make me give you bloom. I have dried up oceans near me with my fire, nothing could fan me, yet you who is far from me, is the only being who holds the power to cool me with breeze from your depths. My rage is servile only to your calm.

You say we belong to each other and nowhere else. I say we were created by God, scattered, lured to believe that you or me did not exist, because there was no chance that we would have known about each other and I wouldn’t have moved heaven and earth to make you mine. It took us three decades, half life of mistakes and truck load of wasted emotions to reach each other’s arms. Now that we have, it’s time we stayed there, in each other. Forever.

Yes it is a journey. No end is known, no beginning defined, no places of stoppage determined. All that we know is that as long we are voyaging we are together. We ll see, hear, learn and adapt as we walk on. There will be moments when fatigue, self doubt, illusions will detract, but I know for a fact that if I have your hands in mine I will not stop.

It takes a certain immortality to understand how love can be fulfilled beyond life, how love can be sustained in absence of any gratification when love is apparently dependant on senses. Our love is free from dependence on wordly ways. It has a mind unique, a purpose divine and a destination beyond time and world. Our union is difficult in this world yet achieved before we came to this world and will remain so beyond our lifetimes here.

When you smiled teary eyed and said that we are wave and shore, I held your face and kissed your tears and wiping them I tell you that like the waves, I will endlessly keep coming for you. Defying time’s command never to be with you, I will hold on to my faith born out of your love’s strength, and I will keep driving myself in one and only direction, the direction of your arms. Time and destiny will never be able to rob me of my faith that I shall be yours and only yours and make you only mine.

As the song of a lover

Giving peace to heart

You bring to me shelter

And settle this wanderer

As the bloom of autumn

And the sunshine of winters

You give me hope and

Sprinkle loveliness with your hand

Like a stable shore to

A drifting vessel

You gave me purpose

Caused end of my aimless search

As a dazzling star

In the sky of nights

You shine and brighten

My dark and lonely life

Like a hopeful morning

Like a cause of faith

You drove all pain

Reminded me to live

Like a solace on wounds

And balm on burns

You made me heal

And made me yours forever

...

Their love strengthened vastly after the letters.

                                                                                                                              to be told further.....