It has taken me a bucketful instances of having my heart broken and breaking hearts, a half life of
mistakes, a tough marriage and an enviable assortment of life's lessons to know what I know of
love and life today. What is it that binds one immortally to another ? Can
anyone be bound immortally to another ? It's a question that even the ones who
are thus bound fall short in answering sufficiently. It could perhaps be
science of hormones and blood or could be beyond mortal explanations. The truth
is that it's a feeling, fundamental, rudimentary and deep rooted in the purpose
of human life. A joy not containable within definitions and a sensation not
explained by commonplace phrases. A perpetual state of agonizing bliss. You are
likely to burn holding it and sure to die cold letting it go. The mysteries of
love are attractive only if left unexplained. I do not wish to seize the mantle
of defining and explaining love and its myriad forms. I am only trying to share
its mysteriousness from my unique life experiences and in doing so none of my
words should be considered as binding. For the beauty of love lies in the room
for exceptions it offers. A hundred lovers may have similarly felt about a
particular aspect of it yet the next lover's feeling will hold equal
significance and value and cannot be derided just because it does not fall in
line with majority. That's how broad and all encompassing love is.
Choices
The path of man's
life is determined by his choices. It isn't different in love. But it’s often mistaken
that falling in love is a choice that can be exercised upon one's volition.
However the truth unchangeably remains that no one knows how, when, where and
in what strength love and its myriad forces will take you in their numbing grip
and make you servile to their puppetry. My words should not be understood as
demeaning the essence and splendor of the emotion. I am no one to judge it even
though I have savoured and suffered the consequences of love. Love is
compelling. It is persuasive beyond anything known to human mind. It is why one
often finds himself making choices in the ‘other way’ in love. Interestingly
when it comes to falling in love, one hardly has any choice. But to continue a
relationship actively in love is to a considerable extent in ambit of personal
choice. I admit, it isn’t black and white. There is grey where you often stand
in making choices in love. Your choices ensure the pleasure or pain that you
derive from it. Never make a choice against your love if you have the chance.
For there is no greater beauty than being truly loved by someone. Make all
choices that ensure its perpetuation. The things which you may have to give up
in choosing love, are nothing compared to what you will relinquish if you lose
love. A wrong choice, seemingly correct at the time of its making, can haunt
you with unbearable anguish all your life. And the only way of knowing whether
the lasting effect of your choice is bearable or not is by consulting your
instinct at the time of making the choice. Instincts may not always guide you
pragmatically but they guide you to your destination more often than not. You
realize you were correct only when you have endured the challenges and landed
at the end of the road. Until then and unless you take that road of instinct
you will never realize the worth of your choice. Trust me, when you are living
the ache of bereavement from the one who holds your joys, no deal of pragmatism
can liberate you. You will suffer endlessly.
Chances
We all get our
chances; our own shots at our dreams, our contentment, our happiness. But in
every chance lies a hidden offer of life, of mistrust and self doubt. Don’t let
it append to you. A chance is always a chance not a cloaked scope of error.
Trust in it. Trust your guts. And take it. Unless you take the road you fear
you would never overcome that fear. Give in. Surrender wholly. Don’t reserve
any shred of yourself when you do that. Chances are like these small windows to
living your purpose. They ought to be seized at first sight. There is always
someone waiting to seize it. If you don’t they would. I have learned it the
hard way and continue to live the consequences of untaken chances. Believe me,
it’s better to live a life full of challenges and difficulties with the chances
you want to live with than lead a life of regret in misery and lament with the
ones you may be comfortable but not ecstatic with. Life is itself a single big
chance for fulfillment. That fulfillment may either come from dedication in
service of others or by accomplishment of personal desires. There’s no point,
no greatness in a sacrifice if you can’t live with the consequences of it. It
is self destructive to forfeit your joys for the sake of others if you are
going to be miserable in the circumstances that follow your sacrifice. You will
neither end up happy nor be able to keep happy those for whom you would be in
that state.
Love is a chance at
eternal bliss. I reiterate a very famous line which says “Never be
cynical about love for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as
perennial as the grass”. When I recall my days spent wrapped in that emotion, I
wholeheartedly agree with the great man who uttered these words. It is
something else, a joy so serene and satisfying to sleep and wake up in
realization of being truly loved by someone. Nothing compares, nothing can even
come close to that pleasure. The whole gamut of accomplishments and laurels in
your life will feel like mere dust if you have loved and lost it. The whole
galaxy of joys cannot surpass the simplest delight that love is capable of
filling your heart with. I can tell you with the highest of confidence, since I
have lived that truth. We didn’t agree on many things. Sometimes it felt as if
we didn’t agree at all. But when we did, it felt like being born for each
other. Despite all the hurdles, differences, anguish, the only and the greatest
leveler was that we were crazy for each other. That kind of evened everything
odd. That common factor between us surprisingly sorted out every challenge we
faced.
I endorse love despite my confession of pain which
I endured in it because the truth is that it also offered me all, perhaps the
only real pleasure of my life. And I was
either weak, unsure, careless or scared to take the chance. Interestingly when
it stands facing you on your threshold such debilitating is its influence that
the more you try to evade the harder you feel its grasp around you. If you are
destined to fall for someone with all heart, you will fall and all the will
power mustered from the deepest of one's guts against it cannot prevent it.
Once you do, take the chance and stand up for your love. The other way is
undoubtedly settled and easy. But trust me, the inimitable delight and
completeness walking on that difficult path of love would bring will heal all
wounds the world will inflict. It will be the most sacred refuge when you have
been abandoned by all and sundry. Her arms will comfort you like you cannot
even begin to imagine. Take the chance, seize it, there may not be another
chance, again.
Changes
Man by nature is a
lover of status quo. We despise
changes being shoved into our faces. We are a breed unaccustomed to being
unsettled. Ironically however, as the hackneyed adage goes ‘the only thing
constant in this world is change’. Everything we see and know, every entity
created, is in a constant state of efflux from one status to another. As if
that thing was created to change, and keep changing till its closure. Everything
that ever began must end, and to end, it undergoes all changes possible in its
lifetime. Instead of asking you to manoeuvre change, I’d rather beseech you to
walk into the change. Why wait for something to happen when you know it’s going
to occur anyway and why then make plans and strategies to evade it. Step into
it. Embrace it. Love it. Mark the goodness it brings along. I will not join
masses who ask you to let go of the past. Rather I ask you to hold its memories
and enlighten your soul. But do not close yourself to the present and the
future. No one, believe me, no one has any control on the course of his life,
no matter howsoever otherwise one may believe. Howsoever otherwise the best
selling self help books may tempt you to accept as true. At some point in time
or other you would eventually realize that you cannot exercise any real power
or influence over circumstances. And they occur and change as per some
invisible yet all pervasive force guiding their course. But the beauty of this
powerlessness lies in the sense of adventure and unpredictability it brings. I
have let go of things I never thought I could. They were so dear to me. But I
had to. I pined and languished for days, holding on to their symbols, their
reminiscence their memories, suffering, falling, lying near dead for days. But
eventually there is some supreme energy that settles inside you momentarily and
ushers you out into the light. Into that moment of truth when you smile inside
and come to terms with everything unmanageable so far. I am not saying the past
is darkness. To me the past has always been full of sunlight, joy and
incomparable delight as much as it has been the source of inescapable distress.
The whole idea behind the philosophy of letting the past go may be unnecessary.
You may not need to let go of the past. The past and the future alongwith your
present can co exist. Give the three of them a chance. I have and I always
will. If I could in all ordinariness, why can’t anyone. Let the change come
over. Take in its gifts. Surrender gracefully what it wants to take from you. Life is a great leveller; if it takes it would give back likewise. Release the murkiness, let it sink in and do its job
and leave. Do not hold onto the pain. It’s leech like. The more time you give
your miseries the more they will grow on you, feeding on your blood and life.
Smile and wave adieu to your woes and hug the happiness that also lies hidden
somewhere in the mud.
No one knows how
things would turn out to be. But that is the whole point of life. Take the
wrong turn, get lost, find your way back, endure the challenges on way and
emerge enlightened. The only treasure that is ever going to be with you even
after your departure are not the ornaments or the wealth you discovered, but
the experiences that enriched your life, the fulfillment you felt on your
journey and the memories you would earn in the heart of others. Life is like
this. It is not a problem to be solved; rather all its choices, chances and
changes make it a mystery to be lived.
Live it..
I read it all. I can say that whatever you said is out of your real experince. I found everything correct. Yet I don't find answers to my questions. I guess, one needs to take his/her own chances to actually understand love.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
Deleteyou r right. take ur chance in love, dnt let it go away..hold onto it, no matter what...else u ll regret like i do...
DeleteHello there.. remember me :) been a long long time ..
ReplyDeletethat is a plethora of experience.. life is funny i guess and it has a funny way of teaching us stuff.. and i was nodding at al that you have mentioned and the icing on the coke is the last para.. true The only treasure that is ever going to be with us is the experiences that enriched our life..
and as in the start life is a experience of broken hearts, breaking hearts .. wish it was simple
hopefully one day i shall find my replies tooo
Bikram
Hey Bikram. Howdy ?!
DeleteOfcourse I remember you. You have been part of many meaningful discussions in the past on my blog. I have always appreciated your indulgence. Thanks for being around.
Thanks for nodding to my write up. It means I am not alone.
Can identify with this, Anupam :)
ReplyDeleteNicely expressed.
Thank You Anita
DeleteVery nice article. Loved it. So true, only certainly in life is change. We should embrace change. We are trained to attain stability in life. We postpone things till we become stable. Society years for stability. Markets seek stability. I think in the midst of outward yearning, we must realise within that all this is ephemeral. Our dreams, aspirations, plans, all can fall like a pack of cards without any warning.
ReplyDeleteSo beautifully put Abhijit ji. Thank you for your meaningful words
DeleteI agree with Namrata above. A lot of real questions remain unanswered. But a good post.
ReplyDeleteThank You Tomichan. The beauty of the unanswered questions makes life the adventure and the mystery that it is.
Delete