Wait

when shall i get asked   

when shall you come 

undo my desolation

and let me in your passion

until then

i cherish

the dark and the darkness

and embrace your separation

Great Speech

My fav actor wins the Oscars for Dallas Buyers Club.

I'm so happy. And became happier with his acceptance speech.

Congratulations and We Love You Matthew.

Closure

I am lying on your lap. I see your smile and marvel how beautiful it is. Your lips full and alive gently balmed with a calm moistness. Your hair playful in the breeze blowing in the vast garden of peace and contentment that surround us. Birds come and sit near us.

I look into your eyes. They are deep and full of love. I see your glow. Its serene like the mountains in the rains. I sense your affection. My soul stirs in your love. It wants nothing more. Its purpose is done.

Your soft fingers run through my forehead. I find peace and everlasting tranquil. I look at you again. I cannot take my eyes off yours. You say something and smile again. I think to myself how fortunate I am to be loved by you. You are as beautiful as the fairies I dreamt of in my childhood.

My eyes begin to close. I see nothing but you. I feel nothing as I am numbed by your love. I have no desires of this world. I have you and I am happy. Your smile and your gentle palms lull me to everlasting sleep. 

You gave me love that brimmed my being, that I always wanted. My eyes close with your picture in them. My memory seals with your love in it. My heart starts slowing with you in it. All the warm moments we lived together, all your loving expressions all your words of love circle in my head. They fill my soul like pretty gifts of life.

I am content. I found what I was searching for. Life gave me you. I couldn't have asked for more.

I close for eternity. 

Debts

Tera Mera Rishta has always been a very symbolic song in my life. I chose to hear it today to remind myself of inescapable truths

I walk down the road to His abode and surrender myself. My sins, my blunders, my pain, my achievements. I confess to my detachment from Him and hence my consequential abandon. I listen to myself. Hear the calling from deep within. What's my life but a quest to give. A means to provide. What others seek but don't often find.

What have I lost myself in. All the murky depths of my self. Running after my own aims, my desires, my needs. Oblivious to the truth that my life is only a passing of the soul which is neither mine nor this world's. I have become but a weight on my own salvation. My cravings a distraction from promises my soul made to its Maker. 

My misgivings a result of my own deeds. Hell and heaven I know now do not exist beyond life. Heaven and hell are right here, in the steps we take and the choices we make. I have made my own heaven and hell. I kneel for forgiveness which I know I do not deserve. I chose to run when I should have stayed. I opted for easy when in obstacles lay my liberation. I broke the accord I long back struck with life. I will not ask for painlessness and in return it will not claim my servitude. I am now life's servant for I chose to seek absence of troubles.

I will now repay the debt that claims my conscience.  I put down my desires, my aspirations. I give up all my selfish wishes. I will return to the path I had embraced. To live for others. Even if that involves complete relinquishment of my dreams and my hopes.

Mehfuz

Man is always judged by his deeds, especially the ones he commits in times of crisis. There is no heaven or hell beyond our lives. Heaven and hell are right here in our acts and failures, in the choices we make.








aani jaani hai kahaani bulbule si jindagani 

life come and goes, life is like a water bubble

banati kabhi bighadati 

sometimes it is forming/creating, sometimes it is spoiling

tej hawa se ladati bhidati 

sometimes fighting with the fast wind

ha raham ha raham farma ai khuda - (2) 

o god do the favor/kindness

mehfuz har kadam karana ai khuda, ai khuda - (2) 

assure safety of my every step, o god

saanson ki suti dor anuthi, (jal jaayegi -2) 

the cotton of breathes is a strange thread, it will burn

band jo laaye the haath ki muththi (khul jaayegi -2) 

those hands which we brought closed, will open

bhagwan kare kaaya yeh ujali mitti mein mil jaayegi 

the fair face will at the end will mix in the soil

chaahe jitani shamaaye roshan kar le dhup toh dhal jaayegi, jaayegi 

however the flames this sun will burn, it will finally burn out

ha raham ha raham farma ai khuda - (2) 

o god do the favor/kindness

mehfuz har kadam karana ai khuda, ai khuda - (2) 

assure safety of my every step, o god

sone chamak mein sikko khanak mein (milata nahi -2) 

that which we can't find in the shine of gold and sound of coins

dhul ke jarro mein dhunde koyi toh, (milata wahi -2) 

if someone could find him (god) in the particles of soil, then the one will find him

kya majaal teri marji ke aage, bando ki chal jaayegi 

what can do in front of his (god's) wish

thaame ungali jo tu katputali ki, chaal badal jaayegi, jaayegi 

if you hold the finger of a doll (human beings), it will change its path

ha raham ha raham farma ai khuda - (2) 

o god do the favor/kindness

mehfuz har kadam karana ai khuda, ai khuda - (2) 

assure safety of my every step, o god

ha raham ha raham farma.......... allah allah.... 

o god do the favor/kindness.... god god.......