Dear D..,
Whoever you are, however you are, you have become important to me and you have found a way to reach my heart and prayers. There is no social attachment that binds you and me. There is no religious or physiological bond between us as well. What I’m writing is something that would flow as a river, free from needs, wishes, desires and expectations. This is a river that is bound to connect our ends. You know why? Let me tell you.
You have been indeed
lucky to find yourself the way to come into A's life. If his name makes
you smile (as it made me while typing it) you are lucky. God has chosen you to
love him, to be with him. Chances are that this letter may annoy you and you may get irritated
as why I am writing to you. But when I explain the connection to you, things
would perhaps be clearer. And I hope forgiveness would be unnecessary. I hope you’d see
beyond the things people may have us blinded with.
To me loving A is a faith beyond the set norms of the world. In worldly eyes he and I have
nothing in common, nothing at all. We are two separate individuals, but
connected somehow by a powerful thread that makes me feel proud that I have
been able to feel this way at all for anyone. Now, before you think anything or
anything wrong at all, I want to clarify somethings. You are his life
partner, his life in a way; I am his shadow that doesn't abandon him, even in
darkness. I’m there naturally. And even if this shadow may appear formidable to
you, as shadows are sometimes meant to, know that all shadows are harmless. They are
just there because they can’t escape their source.
You on the other
hand are real for him. You have the right to sit beside him, hold his hands, look into his
eyes, caress his hair and love him, I lie like the cushion behind his back,
soles under his feet to comfort him while he is loved by you. You make the
morning tea for him, and I make sure the temperature is just right for his
lips. You walk beside him, leaning on his shoulders, I run ahead of you both to
remove any pebble or thorns that might stop your romantic walk together. When
you make his bed for him, I would make sure he has peace in his eyes to enjoy
it. I am not here to erect any walls between you and him, rather, my only
wish is to see that he is happy and peaceful.
Believe me when I say
that you are equally important to me as he is. We have a very delicate relation
to handle because he cannot live without his love and his life; we have to make
sure he has both to live normally. You are very lucky because with you he chose
to share his life and happiness; on the other hand I am happy to share his pain
and sorrows. Now you can also share his sorrows and pain, and it’s something a
life partner does but I want you to be always cheerful and happy and smiling,
so that his world is always happy and bright. I don’t think that is much to
ask for when we both love and want the same thing, A's happiness. I know it’s
difficult to understand. You may hate me and my bold statement that I am in
your husband's life. But believe me, I am not in his life. Truth is that I lay just
inside his mind as a small tiny part that makes things beautiful for him. Yes,
I have an individual life as well, one that is made beautiful by his presence. I do
not ask for his time, his love, his money or anything else. Just a tiny little corner in his
subconscious. I would live like I do not exist for both of you; all I need is
the permission to love him. Because the day I stop loving him I am certain I'd perish . I
beg this of you to consider. Let me be dirt under your feet, but let me be
there so that with you I touch A. As you are in his life like a support, like
a backbone, I am relaxed and not much worried about how he would eat, work,
write and take care of himself. Because I know you are capable in making him
comfortable. He deserves to be treated with love, and believe me; he deserves
so much love that only both of us can fulfill it. With all our differences and
individual approaches, we make a perfect love and life for him to live. I hope
you understand what my heart seeks. Maybe it’s too much to ask. Maybe it’s
impossible to fulfill. But if you love him like loving is meant to be done then please
allow me what I seek. Having lived with him for this long you must have felt that things are not going to be easy. But then they never are meant to be with someone like our A. He is a dreamer, he wants too many things and wants to make everyone and everything alright and he has a heart of a child. Which is why we have a difficult
task at hand. Let's make a promise to each other and live like we are not
two but one person who cares deeply for the same man. A would be the happiest
when we can achieve this.
I’ve seen you. And
the way he describes you, I feel at peace because he has someone like you.
You won't lose anything to me, ever.
I Promise.
Poetry in prose!
ReplyDeleteThanks Uppalji. The credit must goto the person who wrote it.
DeleteExtremely touching. I can relate to it. It's my fortune to come across such an extra-ordinary write-up.
ReplyDeleteJitendra Mathur
Thank you for your kind words Mr. Jitendra
DeleteBeautiful!
ReplyDeleteIsn't it? Thanks Hema
DeleteLife's complexity comes alive here. Complexity of relationship.
ReplyDeleteIt's often strange where our hearts lure us, makes us do all kind of things. Thank you.
DeleteIt is as if one part of the same person writing to her alter ego. Could be. Thoroughly enjoyed reading the article. Yes it has a lyrical flow.
ReplyDeleteNot ver different than what u have imagined Durga ji. Thank you so much.
DeleteYou can make a movie out of this.So well expressed.
ReplyDeleteThank you Subha
DeleteVery beautiful!
ReplyDelete(It appears to be a season of great letters;))
Thanks Amit ji. Somehow the author is not willing to give in to the fact that pain can never be beautiful. The result is this letter.
Deletevery nicely written, touchy one, little complex(at least for me, i read two times to realize) and at the end loved it a lot.
ReplyDeleteDear Jyotirmoy
DeleteWhen have ever matters of heart been simple. So you are right to find the letter complex as are the paths of love and longing depicted in it.
Thank you for reading friend.