In 1997 I met
a guy while I was travelling by Konark Express, everyone's preferred train to
Mumbai from Bhubaneswar. His name was Nitin. He was about ten years older and
very friendly. We kind of got along instantaneously as he shared stories of his college life, and all the
crazy things he and his friends did for fun, fascinating me unfathomably by his
imagery. Once he was done talking about the frolic between him and his friends,
it didn't take him long to pull out from his wallet the picture of the girl he
loved. It was the first time someone openly talked to me about the emotion. I
mean, so far I had only heard stories about
it in school and in the neighbourhood. All in whispers and secret gossips. But that day, Nitin
busted for me the myth that love has to be kept a secret or its details shared
only with caution as if it were a terrible thing.
He cherished
before me how he had first conveyed his feelings to Helda. To be frank, it felt
good to hear him. And that was perhaps the evening, all those years ago, inside
the iron walls of a speeding train, between plains unclaimed by humans, and
skies never seen through city lights that I got the first taste ever of the
longings of my own heart. As he was narrating his love story I experienced a
tenderness grow in my soul. The world around me refolded into a shape whose
dimensions were delicate and mesmerizing. Even the breeze that stole its path
inside the bogie touched me differently. In short, it was in that bogie, under
the flickering battery powered lamps that it dawned on me that I was a
romantic. I pined to have a girl to love. And I felt impatient to find her.
We'll come to that later (or maybe some other time).
I must have
been imagining too many things about the newfound ideas Nitin planted in my
head which is why I guess I didn't ask him about plans of his and Helda's
future. And when I did, at the time of saying goodbye at the CST station, he
gave me a smile and said 'We broke up a long time ago'. My imaginations drowned
in his revelation. I could say nothing. What could have I? From the way he'd
described their affair, their affection; it was hard to guess that they are not
together anymore. I could get a sense of how terribly he must be missing Helda for
which he was able to bring to life their story in such detail. We exchanged numbers and I saw him melt in the crowd. I wasn't able to keep the
story of Nitin and Helda out of my head all this time even though neither of us
brought it up whenever we talked.
I'll not hang
you guys in suspense. Nor will I weigh down your happiness seeking hearts with
the agonizing details of how Nitin held on to his devotion. The two lovers
underwent unspeakable hardship. But I guess that in the end, nothing really is
more powerful than two souls seeking each other genuinely. Four years
after we met, Nitin called me to invite me to his and Helda's wedding. I was
insanely happy to hear about it. They got married on Fourteenth February in the
year 2001. I was there. And I can bet, no happiness of this world can surpass
the kind of which I saw on Nitin's face that night. Forever finally began for
their tale.
Time stole
away the tiny affinities that keep bonds alive. In between Nitin's new
responsibilities and my studies, we slipped away from talking almost every week
to once a month to eventually not anymore. I don't feel bad about it. I won't
ever. Nitin doesn't know what profound inspiration he gave me with his ability
to love someone forever. Nitin didn't know that his commitment and endurance
would pave the way for mine when after several years I'd meet my soulmate. The
only difference is that unlike his, my endurance is going to be lifelong. It is the
memory of Nitin and Helda's love that I silently celebrate on Valentine's Day
every year. The Day is always going to bring recollections of the two lovers I
know, who fought their way to forever.
I recall their story for all of you, just in case you'd be thinking of giving up on love. Just in case you'd be thinking that you're not cut out for it or vice versa. Or if you're plain tired of fighting the odds. I would beckon you to consult your personal experiences and recall the very feeling which makes someone the love of your life. Sometimes with passing time the attachment may get buried under layers of diversions and doubts may seep into the strength of bonds and maybe all of that can separate us. But we tremble hearing that person's voice, sometimes years after the separation, suspending us in a delirious balance between the past and the present.
I do not
propose to seize the mantle of defining love or limiting its myriad
manifestations. All I seek to say is that love, despite being the harbinger of
untold complexities and even many pains, is still relevant and amazing. Nothing
can leave us as grateful to life as the touch of true love.
Nitin, my
brother, if you're reading this. I dedicate this post to you and Helda. I never
told you this, but you're one lucky man to have Helda with you. I wish we could
meet so that I could fill my life with the love that flourishes between the two
of you today.
To everyone
else, never be afraid to love. Despite all its anguish, real love is the only
thing you are going to carry till your last breath. Embrace its tormenting
bliss.
A very well written piece, I must say. And your line love an harbinger of untold pain... what a great line. Now can, giving you all the credits. use that line for my next poem :)
ReplyDeleteThank you Pranju. Yes you may use the line. Would make me more than happy.
DeleteThat was tenderly written. I could feel the wind percolating into the bogie under the weak battery lamps.
ReplyDeleteThank you Umashankarji. I wish I could relive it, the light innocence.
DeleteThank you for for dropping by.
The tenderness of love is palpable in your post.
ReplyDeleteIt feels great when that tenderness goes across, is felt by others too. Thanks Tomichan.
DeleteLove can be beautiful. We must have courage to experience it.
ReplyDeleteYes Abhijit ji. Everyday I wake up hoping for that courage, praying for it.
DeleteYou do have a way with words- so impactful in a romantic tale!
ReplyDeleteThanks you so much Rajeev. Always a pleasure to hear from you.
DeleteI loved the soft, gentle, benevolent warmth in your story, Anupam:)
ReplyDeleteKudos!
Thanks Amitji. Glad to hear from you.
DeleteA touching, warm story.
ReplyDeleteThank you Abhi
DeleteBeautiful story, Anupam.
ReplyDeleteAnd your writing is very pleasant. :)
Thanks D. Glad you like it.
Deleteeloquent, heartfelt and emotional.
ReplyDeleteThank you Sweety. Glad you liked it.
DeleteLong time since I read such a heartwarming post on love.Feels good to read this.
ReplyDeleteHi Subha,
DeleteI'm so glad that this memoir could evoke such feeling.
Thank you