Sunday, 22 May 2016

What's Wrong With Wants

A little love is what all of us desire. Then we tailor our desire once we start getting that love. We want more, we want something special and sometimes we want and wait for tiny fulfillments. Around this tendency, lies the root of all relationships issues. I once heard Sadhguru Jaggi Vasudev claim that it is innate of humans to never settle for the basic. That it is in our nature to always aspire for something more. But how does that work out in human relationships is something that has always piqued me. This is regardless of the fact that I have been both, its perpetrator and victim.
To my understanding it is hard to lay a formula here. It is also perhaps not right to say that unconditional love is love of the highest form. Who are we to judge how someone should love another? Who are we to claim what kind of attachment is real and what is fallacious? I have always thought that with deep attachment comes plethora of expectations and it is alright to expect, to want something from someone we care for. To be honest, I've never been able to conceive of a relationship where I am not allowed to convey my wishes and desires to the other person. To be in such a bond immediately sounds hollow. Frankly, it is a bit unnatural too.

At best, the reciprocation should not come across as a quid pro quo thing, it shouldn't be a mere arrangement of convenience. As long as I am expecting, driven by my affection, I am actually laying down the foundation of abiding concern. Imagine, how would it feel if one day you woke up and were not allowed to say a word of the many small and big things you look for from your friends, beloved, your parents and children. It is by sharing our hopes and our needs with each other that we plant ourselves in spaces of each other's hearts. The next time when I won't drive fast or cut down on fast food or relinquish questionable company because someone I love, told me that he or she wants it, I would add one more brick to the strength of our bond. Contrary to feeling burdened, I'd happily take up the task of keeping wishes of the ones who rest their hopes in me.

I am no one to deny the unspeakable hurt that unfulfilled expectation brings along. In fact I'd be lying if I said I haven't seen that pain. But let not the fear of having our hopes unfulfilled close us to the wholesome beauty of a real bond - one which thrives only on the inimitable joy of having someone bring to life what we desire and vice versa.  A long time ago I understood that the whole point of two people coming together was to share lives, and what better way to do it than to tell each other how we want that life to be and to have our wishes kept - the wish that the other should walk along. That walking along is always going to come with expectations. What's the fun in life and love if we didn't want anything out of the ones we adore? What's the point of our existence if we didn't spend some of it living upto what the ones we love secretly or overtly desire from us?

They will all tell you that expectation is the cause of all distress. And that sometimes we create our own heartbreak through expectations. That maybe. But let's be honest here. Can we seriously conceive of a life without expectations? 

I felt compelled to share this because I recalled an incident this morning. An argument with a friend, where he claimed the exact opposite of what I've written. I don't know if he has had a change of heart. I don't even know if you guys will agree with me. But if you introspect and recall moments where you have undergone the experience, I am certain you'll get the point.

Think about it.

No comments:

Post a Comment