My terrible skills in community building returned to
stare at me recently when I read these lines by Rochelle Potkar, whose poems I immensely admire. She writes that ‘within our inner cocoons, we may be dreamers,
incubators, writers, editors, translators, self-critics, self-publishers,
submitters. On the outside, we're fragmented into marketeers,
platform-builders, PR persons, brand builders, event organizers.'
It made me revisit the nagging question as
to how essential is a community for expressionists - writers, performers,
artists. Each of who seek acknowledgment as a reassurance to their
aspirations. Sometimes that community comes all too easily. Try and
remember how before the rest of the world came to know about you, it were your
families and friends who first read you, or admired your art and returned a
gesture of encouragement. But the moment we wish to expand the reach of our works,
the task of building a community of audience becomes as important as writing
itself. To me that community is a shape shifter, incomprehensible and moody.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m all game for chasing a community. But it never comes easily due to the nature of what I often seek to write. I’m forever in the
heart of chaos, from which it is impossible for me to slip out. Truth
is, I let myself be a part of the suffering I write about, for in many ways
it makes me feel relevant. It is therefore difficult to keep up a
charming veneer, one that is more suited to draw attention.
I’m not even going to talk about the
excruciating demands of my day job, or the physical limits of human
body which permits as much or the unstoppable closing of eyelids brought about
by physical exhaustion, the complete blankness of mind which is an inescapable
corollary of fatigue when I’m looking to introduce a resolute character in my
story, the distraction that I'm sometimes supposed to embrace just
when I'm about to begin typing. I am even not mentioning the devastating
consequence which that kind of failure to put down your thoughts on paper can mean for your
self confidence. It has the potential of turning you neurotic and making you feel crippled and inadequate and even isolating you within a crowd. Maybe, wrestling with these demons is also a reason why I could never quite become a
community guy. I end up getting so indistinguishably woven with intricacies of the things I
write that it is often hard for me to relate to anything that moves or talks infront of my eyes. I'm afraid if it would
come across as believable if I say that when and after I write, there is barely
anything worth sharing left in me. With that kind of erosion it is difficult to apply
my mind on the nuances of making my presence felt in any kind of community
whatsoever.
Even Rochelle has gone ahead to ask the same kind of questions to understand whose answers
I have myself been grappling since a while 'Where is the time for
community-building then?' she probes. ‘The bigger question being
should we be creators or community builders? Or both? What should be the
balance between creating, giving, and taking? And is creating a way of giving
back, in itself?' The answers, sadly, are already gazing at me.
Someday, I’d like those answers to change. I’d like to find the time and the
resources to become a community guy. Hop around. Share pleasantries and feel
belonged.
Please do not mistake my admission as an
allusion for arrogance. I’m many things, stubborn, livid and even delusional
but arrogance isn’t simply my method. It’s just that I have no idea how to
manage with smartness and consistency the projection of my existence. I've
tried my hand at it and failed miserably.
But I am alive to the reality that
expressionists crave many eyes and ears and that I’m no different. An honest
and supportive band of readers is an asset and the feeling of belonging that
their admiration leaves in us is elevating to say the least. I crave it no
less.
My fellow creators, let me now part by saying
that I’d rather have your precious support without soliciting it in any manner
whatsoever and that I'd rather embrace your accolade if and only if my writings
deserve it and not merely because of the formality of reciprocation. I hope and trust
that it’s not too much to ask for or too disrespectful to confess. And if it so
turns out that for my lack of chasing a community, my words are doomed to
wander the vastlands of invisibility, I guess I’ll have to learn to take it
without any qualm. Quid pro quo exists everywhere, I’ll
explain to my struggles.
Much Love,
That's a very honest post Anupam Ji and there's little to disagree in it for someone who writes at the call of his / her heart to give an expression to his feelings and thoughts without caring whether anybody reads it or not. Reading and appreciation by others are important because they elevate the spirits of the writer but their absence should not be a deterrent for his / her writing. And admiration matters only when it is genuine, else not.
ReplyDeleteThat's precisely how it is Jitendraji. Thank you for sharing your views.
DeleteYes, nowadays it is like "I appreciate you and in turn you appreciate me".
ReplyDeleteAnd most of the time, the people who speak nicely, are given importance.
You have written very boldly.
Thank you Ranjana. But truth is that I fail at this art. It is a shortcoming I guess. In the times we live in it could mean a cost too big.
DeleteGlad you dropped by.
I agree with what Jitendra ji has said. Of course now a days, promotion (of self, for self, by the self) is a harsh reality. Before TV era we never heard heroes going here and there to promote their movies. They just did their job of acting. But now a days we see them giving the same effort and time to promote their movies, moving from city to city, tv show to tv show....
ReplyDeleteIn my humble opinion, it's not a bad thing to do per se. After all there is so much content all around that there's a constant fear of being invisible unless there is some amount of marketing. However, all I've tried to say is that I'm pretty unsuccessful at it.
DeleteThanks for dropping by Durgaji. It's always a pleasure to hear from you.
I don't mind people promoting themselves, I am seriously bad at it though. However the best promotion of your work is to write good thoughts which will surely germinate to become a big tree in future, its immaterial if u promote it or not. Loved Reading it Anupam...Too Good!!
ReplyDeleteWith whatever I manage to squeeze out on paper I too find it very hard to promote. Ofcourse I won't br a hypocrite to deny that I want a whole lot of readers to read and like my works. A writer I am. We all are. Glad to have you with my words. Much appreciated.
Delete