A mother's heart is said to be the most loving one, one that doesn't heed to any extenuating influence when it comes to loving her child. Noticing my deepest wounds and hurting, exactly as a mother is capable of, without me having shown any signs of it, she asked me what was worrying me. And that simply opened all gates inside me, crumbled the strong portrayal of my controlled self into bits and I simply began crying like a child. Went on for minutes together. I never felt like holding back. I cried and cried and cried. I let all my grief out right in her embrace. I felt her frail hand caressing me ceaselessly as I choked in my own tears.
When I raised my head, somewhat embarrassed, I saw her eyes completely red with tears too. I just said 'Ma I'm here Ma' I'm right within your safe hold.' I have never felt so secure anywhere than what I felt inside her embrace. Just didn't want to let go of her hold around me. Tell me another place where such serene comfort exists, nowhere, not one place.
But she had to go. She couldn't stay with me. She was there to see me. A part of me regretted having shown her what I made her see of me, weak, devastated, sad. I know it is impossible for a mother to live with the realization that I gave her about myself. But the thing about mothers is that they are quick in their assuring touch and strong in their blessing. I will never be able to adequately express the depths of consolation which I felt in her hug. It was time to go. As I walked her to the car waiting to drive her away, she asked me to let go of what was hurting me. And told me what she always says 'It will be alright. Ma is here'
I watched her being driven away. And missed her warmth instantly.